


Wish I wasn't in love with you.

by Finn565



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emperor Hux, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minior character death, Sleeper knight!Hux, Yes his name is brendol in this, some blood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-22 18:57:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6090820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finn565/pseuds/Finn565
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren has a sneaking suspicion that everyone is suddenly trying to kill him</p><p>or the one where both Kylo and Hux are badass and thats all you need to know. We got all sorts of good stuff in here. Emperor Hux, defending Knight Ren, Sleeper knight of Ren Hux, and some slow enemies to friends to lovers. Its gonna be a wild ride.</p><p>got an 8 tracks mix out that fits this story pretty well: http://8tracks.com/finn565/i-wish-i-wasn-t-in-love-with-you</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Something Is Wrong

Kylo Ren was fairly sure something awful was going on behind his back. He was none too pleased with the new knights arrival. Snoke's new little pet. After the destruction of starkiller, Ren had finished his training and Nels had come along. Dark haired, perminate scowl, silent, and deadly. Nels had even proven to be a better student than himself. Nels was level headed and could keep his emotions reigned in. Kylo hated him. 

He also hated that he was not the one teaching Nels. He was a master with no student. His plea to teach the scavenger girl had been genuine. He wanted -needed- a student. He wanted nothing more than to become a true master. 

At least he looked the part now. His face badly damaged by his grandfathers lightsaber in the enemies hand. He had a reason to wear the helmet now. The last time he had seen the bucket was on starkiller, though. It was lost forever. 

"I can tell you are upset. Please don't destroy my ship, it costs too much." Hux huffed, standing at the farthest end of the conference room. The long wooden table was the only thing keeping a distance between them. "Your face is like an open book."

The destruction of starkiller had left Hux empty. Kylo could feel it. Another new development, he could feel Hux. Could access his thoughts without being shut out. A gate had been broken down. This felt different from anyone else's mind, no one felt like this when they projected. 

"Your control boards are safe." He gave his answer, turning his body away from the generals. 

"They have never been before." Hux frowns and Kylo can easily hear his thoughts.  _I'm worried about him._   _He has never been this tense, childish yes, but not this._

Kylo let's out a sigh "This new student of Snoke's is beginning to piss me off."

"I thought so, worried you are not Snoke's favorite anymore?" There was a teasing hint in the Generals voice. 

"I don't care about favorites, Hux." The General snorts and he shoots the ginger a glare "I care that Snoke did not let me be his teacher."

Hux rolls his eyes, "Would you, kindly, grow up?"

Kylo Ren growls, "Hux, think rationally  for once in your life."

"I am the rational thinker, not you." There's that teasing tone again, Ren hates it. 

"Then you already know,"  _Snoke is training my replacement._

"Yes, undoubtedly." Hux sits down at the large table, "I fail to see how this effects me."

"This new knight is unpredicable."

"So is the current one." Hux raises an eyebrow in a scowl, he stands and walks closer, arms behind his back. He looks too official for this childish bickering.

"Then it doesn't concern you"

"Then why should I care?" 

Kylo makes several viper like steps to close the distance to Hux. "You're not concerned after all these years? I'm wounded, general." There was no truth to his words, it was just another move in their usual game. Kylo stared into the bright, clever eyes of the General.

"No" came the gruff response,  _yes_  came Hux's concerned thoughts. 

"Do you know how loud you are?"

"Get out of my head, Ren."

"I'm not in your head, you're projecting." The wall went up, it was not strong, however. It hadn't been in a long time. "You know what's happened."

"I'm not talking to you about this." Hux turns away from him defiantly. Kylo watches as the general strides to the door. He shuts the opening door with the slight wave of his hand. "Ren"

"I could teach you, make you stronger."

"I don't want to be stronger. I want this to go away so you  can't hear me anymore."

"You can still project without the force, general. You could be ten times as powerful."

"Kylo Ren, I do not know  _why_  you want to teach so bad since you can't even keep your  _own_  temper down."

"Snoke is going to have me killed, I can feel it." There is an urgency in his own voice.

"You're having a mid life crisis?" Hux quirks an eyebrow.

"Hux, i-"

"No amount of pity will ever make me or anyone else ever want to be  _your_  student. Good day, Ren." The door slides open and the General leaves without another word. 

Kylo Ren let's out an angry snarl and grabs his lightsaber. The blade crackles to life. This will cost the general greatly to have the room fixed. Ren takes immence pleasure in laying his anger in nasty, dripping, gashes round the room. 

***

"Good evening, Lord Ren." Nels strides onto the bridge, footsteps so sure of himself, like he owns the place. Ren stares out of the large glass panels at the expanse of space laid out before him. He can't wait to rule it all. Provided he lived long enough. The other knight wears a black jacket, the jackets zipper extends all the way over to his shoulder and could be folded down but is, instead, buttoned to its spot. He looks more like a knight then Ren cares for. 

"Lord Nels."

"Leader Snoke and General Hux are both displeased with your carless recklessness."

"I could care less." He says with cold indifferance. 

"You could care less about about how your master and your colleague are angry with you? That's irresponsible." Its the same tone Ren used with Hux just the other day in the conference room. Yet there is a clear sneer on Nels face. Like he now owns Ren because of one mistake. 

Kylo will not let this minor spec on his plans own him. He takes those familiar viper like steps to Nels now. "Do not talk to me about things you do not understand."

"What? Afraid you're not Snoke's favorite anymore?" Almost the same exact words as Hux. 

He takes several steps away, "I already know that." He turns his back to the knight. Nels could kill him now if he was truly motivated. He can feel the knights eyes burning into him. 

"Lord Ren, Lord Nels." He hears the click of the Generals boots before he hears the voice.

"General Hux." He can hear the hate in Nels voice.

"I need a word with Lord Ren."

"Of course, sir." There's hesitancy but Nels leaves with quick steps. 

It's silent for a long moment. He doesn't want to talk to Hux in the slightest. He has the craving to destroy again.

"Don't even think about it, Ren." Hux huffs "I'm still fixing the conference room." 

This gives him slight satisfaction but it is quickly gone. "You don't know what it's like." He's breaking down, he can feel it. He can't do this, not in front of Hux. 

"What, what's like, Ren?" The General sounds impatient more than curious. 

"Waiting for them to kill you." When Kylo turns he expects to see hatred on Hux's face like he usually does, instead he sees a bit of compassion.

"I do know, Ren." He knows the questions is written on his features. "I think they plan to get ride of us both."

"What gives you this feeling?"

"I can feel Snoke's waning trust in me."

"As do I." 

"I can keep my emotions in check, though, unlike you." Hux gives him a classic glare.

"I'll try harder to push my emotions down while I slowly wait to die, general."

"You are a child, Ren. I'll be almost glad when you're gone."the words sting as the General turns and leaves. Kylo fixes his blank stare back on the stars. 

Almost. Almost glad. Why would he add almost?

***

Snoke had called upon him. He had only bad feelings about this. He opened the large doors and made his way into the hologram room. As he stepped up to the podium he bowed his head. "Supreme Leader." Nels was standing on his left.

"Have you already forgotten who taught you?" Snoke glares down at him. 

He is filled with humility, he hates it. "No, master." He would rather never call Snoke by this name ever again. He will always be less to Snoke, despite their obvious power difference. 

"Good. Nels is ready to complete his training."

Kylo Ren knows confusion passes over his features. It took him much longer to be at this point in his training. Why was Nels so early? A wave of deceit comes over him. Perhaps  Snoke did not train him to his full potential. 

"I want him on a shuttle to me tomorrow, just him."

"I will notify the General." 

"I will be unable to reach you while he trains. I trust you and the General can manage things till I return."

"Yes, master."

"Do so then, dismissed." 

Kylo dipped his head once again. As he turned to leave Nels gave him a sly look. This training was not normal. This training  session was about killing him.

 


	2. Plans

Ben comes in early the next day. Hux smiles as he hears the man come into his living space. He has a plan all worked out. Hes going to use Ben’s affections towards him by pretending to care back, once he has Ben’s trust he will ask to be able to free roam with Ben. At some point Ben will make a mistake and he’ll leave. Its flawless.

“Good morning, Ben.” He keeps the annoyed tone in his voice. If he starts showing affection back this early on in his plan Ben will know something is up.

“Good Morning, Brendol.” Ben grins, Hux freezes where he is and stares at nothing. He takes quick steps to the living space and narrows his eyes at the man.

“Where did you hear that name?” Hux says slowly.

“Brendol Hux the second, right? Why didn't you just tell me your name?”

“Because I don’t have too, Ben Solo.”

“Withholding information from us is punishable, General. Lucky for you, I’m not going to tell anyone.”

Hux rolls his eyes, “Oh yah, I’m so lucky.”

“How are you doing?” The joking tone is gone and theres that soft spot Hux is ready to use to his advantage.

“I’m well enough.” His first move, “How are you?” It's an innocent question and if anyone was paying attention they would see it as an actual inquiry, like he cared how the man was.

“I’m good.” There's a small pause, it's worked. He's never asked the question back, Ben had noticed.

“What are you here to bug me about this time?” He lets the annoyed tone back.

“I just wanted to visit, get to know you more.” Ben smiles and sits down in a big chair.

“What more do you want to know?” he sounds miffed.

“All I know about you is your favorite color.”

“Well maybe that's all you should know.”

“I’d like to know more, though.”

“Why is that, Ben Solo?” Hux smirks, driving his imaginary fingers into a soft point.

The other man's smile drops and he turns red slightly, “I should go.” Ben leaves and Hux smiles to himself.

It takes a long time for him to warm up to the point where he's actually acting happy to see Ben. The man is falling for it like a charm. He smiles at Ben when they talk and Hux acts comfortable in their conversations.

“My dad doesn’t really spend any time with me.” Ben throws a rock across a small pond.

“At least your dad accepts you right, and you can’t really expect him to hang around. He's running a resistance with your mom. He's probably pretty busy.” Hux sits in the grass, he hopes he sounds actually interested. He convinced Ben to get him special permission to come outside. He has to be monitored by Ben, though.

“I guess. I mean, we used to spend more time before the resistance started. We used to spend time outside and he would give me piggy back rides.” Ben sighs, “Everything changed with the First Order.”

He felt a pang of guilt run through him. He squashed it immediately, this was too far. He had to put his plans into action.

It took him a while and a few more walks outside of his cell to finally feel the right time. They were outside under a tree that had dark bark and twisting branches. Light pink flowers bloomed all over the branches.

“Ben.” He looked at the raven haired man.

“Yes, Hux.”

“I really appreciate you getting me all this special permission and trusting me.” His biggest mistake was trusting Hux, he just didn’t know it yet. What a fool.

“You’re welcome, Hux.”

Here's the part he's not so happy about. He must get Ben into his room, and anyone can guess what that means. Not sex, gods no. He was not about to have sex to escape.

He lightly touches Ben’s shoulder. The man looks down at his pale fingers. When those brown eyes return to him he makes sure he's looking at Ben’s lips. He slowly moves his eyes back to Ben’s and tries to communicate to the man that he wants to kiss. It works, he can hear Ben’s breath hitch and his cheeks turn a darker shade.

Hux leans in and brushes their lips together. It's not unpleasant but it's not something he really likes either. Ben pushes back harder and he goes along with it. Large hands touch his hips and he pulls away, he has to set a boundary. “How about we head back?” His voice implies that he wants the jedi to come with him.

Ben nods and helps him up. They make a silent walk back to Hux’s chamber . Once inside he makes sure that Ben hadn't locked the door once he was in. He pulls the force user to the bed and lightly brushes their lips together again. He must make this convincing. He has to. He let's his hands travel up the front of Ben’s loose shirt.

The man pulls away and goes to take his shirt off but Hux places a gentle hand on his chest. “Let's not rush, just stay with me tonight.” He pours any sweetness he has in his body into the sentence.

“You’re right.” Ben nods and gives him a kiss before sitting next to him. Hux opens the covers and let's the other man in first. Once he crawls in Ben drapes an arm over him. The feeling is foreign but tolerable.

He waits till Ben is asleep before slowly inching out from under the arm. He slips on his shoes and quietly makes his way to the door. He grips the handle slowly and pushes it down, the door silently falls open. Freedom.

***

Ben feels a breeze flowing into the room and stirs. He mentally prepares himself to see a sleeping Hux in his arms. He smiles even at the thought. 

His eyes open and the first site he sees is the door wide open. The next thing is an empty bed. He furrows his brows and his mind frantically searches for an answer.

He's gone. It slams into him like a wave, he physically finches from the impact of the answer.  Hux used him. Warmed up to him and let him believe they held the same affections. Then left. Lured him in and broke him by escaping.

Anger over throws his more sensible instincts and he gets up. Clasping his lightsaber he let's the green blade out and let's out a wounded growl. He raises his arm and brings the lightsaber down on the wall, he lays nasty gashes against the stone.

He escaped. He has bigger problems then how he got tricked by a First Order low life. He turns the saber off and stalks out of the room. He reaches out through the force and tries to find the signature of the man who betrayed him.

There he is, making a break for the flight bay. He doesn't run but steps like he's lost all his humanity. The flight bay seems empty but he can hear soft cursing and clanging.

He ignites his lightsaber, “HUX” He roars into the empty bay. The man spins around and there's a frightened look on the gingers face. He has never felt this much sudden urge to kill in all his life. He stomps down into the bay.


	3. Dreams

The plan is simple. He will, with Hux's help if needed, defeat Nels. Then Snoke. In theory Snoke should be easier to get to and kill. Now they lie in wait.

Their force connection has gotten stronger. Brendol Hux could call Kylo Ren on opposite ends of the  _Finalizer_ as if they were standing right next to eachother. It had even come in handy. Hux no longer had to search for Ren to speak with him and Ren could monitor the General at all times. It was his new duty to keep Hux safe. 

Hux was currently asleep and dreaming. Kylo could see it as if it was his own. He rarely slept at all anymore, he used to, before all this happened. The dream was a bad one.

_Nels held a lightsaber in hand, hovering over Kylo Ren. Ren was broken, bloody, and begging on the floor. They were_ _in_ _one of the many training rooms._

_Hux entered the room only a fraction too late. The lightsaber plunged into Kylo Ren._

_Hux fought through_ _molasses_ _like air to get to the knight on the floor. Nels_ _disappeared_ _and he slide to the broken body of the knight._  His  _knight._

_"Kylo," he cooed, hot tears already running down his cheeks._

_"Hux," the voice_ _came_ _out through_ _a_ _gurgle_ _of blood._

_"I_ _wasn't_ _fast enough."_

_Kylo's eyes slide shut in his arms, "_ _I_ _love-"_

Hux jolted awake, and neither was shone the rest of the dream. Both could guess what dream Kylo was going to say. He could feel the Generals panic several rooms away. 

 _I'm_ _right over here, only a short walk away._  He sent his mind out through the force. 

The panic subsided.  _T_ _hank you._  Came the reply. 

He waited for the General to fall asleep again before letting his thoughts wander. Hux was afraid Kylo would die when the time came for his and Nels fight. Not just die, but in his arms, helpless to give any aide to the dying figure. 

More importantly, Hux knew, or at least his subconscious did. Hux knew Kylo loved him. 

***

This dream turned out to be reoccurring. Tonight was especially bad. Kylo felt his pain in the dream as his own in real life. 

_Kylo was bleeding from his mouth now, yet again Nels_ _disappeared_ _from the training room. Hux rushed to his side, scooped him up into his arms, amd laid a gentle cold hand on on his face. "_ _Kylo " he_ _coos again. "I_ _can't_ _do this without you."_

_"You must." Kylo cups one of Hux's cheeks_  (he usually does not speak in this dream besides his final words).  _"Let this anger and_ _fear_ _drive you. Strike them down." Kylo_ _struggles to_ _get the words out,_ _it's_ _painful._

_Hux_ _let's_ _the tears drop onto_ _Ren's_ _face, "No" the General sounds hurt, wounded. "_ _Don't_ _want_ _to lose you."_

_"I love you." the full_ _sentence_ _makes it out. Kylo Ren can feel himself dying in the dream as if he_ _actually_ _is._

_"No!"_

Hux's yell brings them both to reality. He feels that the Generals fear and panic is tens times as bad as the first or even fifth time he had the dream. 

He sends out his thoughts,  _I'm_ _right here._

Kylo doesn't get an answer from the General.  He doesn't hear anything until there is a knock at his door. "Come in."

Hux steps in, his footsteps even sound weak and defeated. The ginger is shaking from head to toe, nervously looking around as he enters, "Kylo." The General sounds hurt and anxious.

He's never been in this position before. Though, he has been in Hux's and Hux has been in his. What did Hux do for him?

 _Come here,_  he calls to the shaking man in front of him, and opens his arms. Hux climbs into the bed and into his arms in record time. The General presses his face to Kylo's chest and he can hear the smaller man inhale. 

 _Home,_ _he's_ _alright._  is all he hears from Hux. What did his mother do for him when he had nightmares as a child?

"Its alright" he lowers his voice a bit and tries to be as soothing as he can. "It was just a bad dream, Brendol." Hux whines and presses further into him. "Only a nightmare, I'm right here."

 _He's_ _safe. So am I. I'm fine._  Hux's thoughts begin to slow. 

"That's it, breath." Kylo coos to the man and he pulls the blankets around them. There's a warm comfortable silence surrounding them. Every so often Kylo can feel Hux slipping back to sleep only to startle as the dream starts anew. It must be a deeply embedded fear in order for it to hurt him this much. 

Every time Hux startles Kylo let's his soothing feelings seep into the General's mind with a gentle "shh". He finds himself dozing off, running his hands through the ginger hair, disturbing it from its place even more. 

Hux pulls away and he let's the smaller man slip from his arms slightly. Their eyes meet.

Kylo Ren has seen that look before. Saw it on his mother's and father's face whenever they looked at eachother. He felt it on his own face only nights ago, and now he sees it on Hux's. 

He wants to tell Hux he should leave. Do what Hux did to him. This is too dangerous for them. Yet, Hux looks so vunerable. Too easy to break. 

"You may stay here for the rest of the night." He says instead, "I'll keep the dreams away."

"Thank you." He can even hear it in the Generals voice. Hux returns his head to its pervious position. Kylo adjusts his body to lay down. Hux leaves his head where it is, on his chest. Hux moves his previously curled up arms to hold onto Kylo like a life line. Kylo allows himself weakness, just for tonight. He puts one arm around the Generals shoulders and puts his other hand in his hair. 

They fall asleep like this, embraced against eachother. 

***

Kylo Ren awoke alone in his chamber that morning. He had expected to. Yet, it still hurt more than he wanted it to. 

This time Hux danced around him. Kylo Ren could hear his confusion about his own feelings at any given point. They had been doing this for a while.

Until this morning. Kylo was steaming in his quarters. 

"Ren," Hux didn't even bother knocking before coming in abruptly. 

"Oh, so you are done pouting?"

"Kylo Ren this is serious."

"Oh I'm sure." He threw angry sarcasim back. 

"Nels ship is coming." His anger vanished and a spike of fear replaced it. "An hour, maybe less."

"Looks like our plans must be put into play." Hux nods slowly. "I'll be fine."

"I'm sure you will."

"That wasn't for you, that was for me." Ren grabs his lightsaber and leaves Hux behind. 

***

Nels steps off the ship and Kylo watches him stride forward. "Lord Ren." The blank face shows nothing. Ren's heart hurts as it beats faster.

"Snoke wants you to meet me in the furthest training room in two hours."

"Very well then." Two hours to live, as Nels walks away Ren's mind races. In two short hours he will be fighting Nels for his life. 

General Hux gave him a glance but he stared straight ahead. Without any conversation Kylo Ren left and let himself let go of his connections. 

Easier this way.

 


	4. The Knight

Kylo Ren was staring at the training room door. Just beyond this door was his true test. He opened it and walked in. Nels flicked his hand and the door closed with a slam behind him. He knew it was locked now. 

"Lord Ren."

"Lord Nels."

The other knight was facing away from him, lightsaber already in hand. "You have known for a long time what this moment is."

"Yes I have."

"I see you've become quite attached to the General. Are you ready to loose everything?"

Kylo Ren clutched onto his lightsaber. 

"Snoke says this is my true test. I will take your place if I pass."

"I would like to see you try." Ren ignites the blade with an angry stomp. 

"Oh, Ben." Nels grins "you will" the other Knight ignites his blade. The handle is spiked on both ends opposite the other spike. It's wrapped in some fine leather for grip. The spikes protrude to bend and touch the actual blade and the other bends to rest with Nels hand like a staff might do. It looks deadly. 

Kylo snarls and steps like a caged animal to Nels. Their lightsabers collide and Kylo pushes hard against the other knight. Nels looks unaffected while he looks agravated. 

"You let anger control you far too much. It was your grandfathers downfall and it  _will_  be yours." The blades collide over and over as the two spin around eachother trying to find a weakness in the system. 

Kylo knows his mistake when he makes it. He swings left. Nels uses only one hand to deflect him with the lightsaber and the other fists dives into his stomach. Nels is playing dirty. The wind is knocked out of him. Nels takes the chance to kick at him, his reaction time surpassing Ren's. More air leaves his lungs as he is kicked backwards and falls to the floor. A fist connects with his face. Knuckles scrape his nose. He's bleeding from his scrape and his nose now. 

Nels chuckles, "too much anger, Ren."

Kylo kicks out and catches Nels off guard. The other knight jumps back and Ren returns to his feet. "Snoke will find another student to replace even you." 

"No." Nels swings at him, Kylo deflects each blow. Nels occasionally gets a punch or kick in, he takes several of these blows. The pain is not making him stronger. Blood is starting to trickle out of one of his eyes, the left one he thinks, but he can't feel much at the moment to place it exactly. 

"Give up, Ren." 

"Never." 

A blow to the stomach has blood trickling out of his mouth and he falls to his knees. 

"Lord Ren, I expected a better fight. You were foolish."

"Nels, you are making a mistake."

"I think not, Ren." Nels pulls the lightsaber back. 

Kylo Ren's eyes widen. He's going to die. Just like the many dreams he saw through Hux. Too many regrets fill him. He distantly hears another lightsaber ignite. A man swiftly steps to deflect the blade. The man has black robes like any knight and holds himself like a sith lord would. Just as Ren had used, the stranger wore a mask. It was boring and simple. One open line running across the middle and little circles at the sides of the mask. 

"Don't touch him." Kylo recognizes the voice even through the metal of the mask. 

"You." Nels looks astonished, then let's out a snarl. His lightsaber is stowed away and he begins to leave the room. "You will pay." 

"Oh, I'm sure." Comes that ice cold voice. 

"Who are you?" His voice sounds weak to even him. 

The knight turns off the lightsaber in his hand, turning towards him. The figure grips the mask with both hands, thumbs hooked under the chin. There's a mechanical sound as the mask is removed. Ginger hair falls perfectly into place. "Are you alright?" Hux offers him a hand and he is floored with all his connections coming back at once.

"No, not really."He says quietly. Hux saved his life. He was about to die like in the dreams. Yet here was the man who had dreamt them. Coming to save him from his own painful release. He takes the hand offered and is pulled to his feet. "You made it in time" He even  _sounds_  blown away. He must look it as well. "You saved me." 

"Yes, now that you've stated the obvious." Kylo can feel the blossom in his chest again. "Nels is no knight, Snoke has turned against the knights. Ren, are you listening?" He feels like it's now or never. As if if he doesn't take this chance it will never happen at all. "Listen, we must act fast-"

Kylo crushes his lips against Hux's. The ginger tenses as he does so. He doesn't feel sparks but he feels closer than he ever has to anyone else before.He pulls away slowly, Hux stares at him with wide eyes, blood smeared on his lip. 

"I'm sorry, I just. I felt-" Hux grabs the front of his robes and brings them back together. Their lips aren't gentle at first, it's desperate, something they have both been holding back. Hux slowly wraps his arms around Kylo's neck and the kiss changes to a slow tender pace. Kylo feels the intimate exchange and lightly touches the others hips. 

"I would like this to move forward but you're hurt and we must act fast."

"Right." The real world, Ren breaths a bit heavy.

"I need you to go to your room and lock the doors." Hux touches his temple and he feels a light weight added to his mind. "This will keep you hidden from Snoke. Wait for me to return."

Kylo nods, "I will be waiting." He turns to leave and feels a swell of affection from the ginger. 

***

Nels is pissed. How could he have not seen it? General Hux was a knight. Damn it. He pushed the hollowgram room doors open only to stop in his tracks. Hux was already speaking to Snoke. Nels strode foreword to stand to the gingers right. 

"Yes, Supreme Leader." Hux bows his head slightly. 

"Is this true, Lord Nels?" Snoke turns to him. "You have failed to kill, Kylo Ren."

"Yes, master but-"

"You are lucky Lord Hux knows how to deal with pests."

Nels glances at Hux, the man next to him stares straight up at Snoke. It's all fitting into place. Hux was sent to babysit that brat. Nels is not Snoke's favorite, never was. Neither was Ren. No, the man before him is Snoke's favorite, and he is lying to Snoke's face. 

"Master, he did not-"

"Enough, I want you on a shuttle to me, now." Snoke turns away from him. "As for you, Hux. Keep the  _Finalizer_  running, I will call for you when our next action must occure." 

"Yes, Supreme Leader." Hux bows his head again and the hollowgram is gone. 

Nels turns his head to Hux. The other knight fixes him with his stare, the knights lips curl up into a sneer. Nels takes takes a step back, shaking his head. Snoke is going to kill him. Torture him for his failure till he can't bare to live anymore. He spins and runs away. His shuttle will not -can not - take him to Snoke. He must find somewhere else he can hide. 

Someone who will help him.

 


	5. Now we wait

Kylo Ren waits like a patient child, sitting on the edge of his bed and frowning at the floor. Elbows resting on his knees, hands steepled. The door is locked, though, he knows Nels could easily force the door open. He was keeping it shut with the force as well.

A knock at the door made his eyes flit up. He reached out to the mind on the other side of the door. Calm, collected, images of himself bloody filled his mind, accompanied by panic. 

"Kylo?" Hux calmly said to him. He released his grip on the door and it slid open. "You're going to tire yourself out if you hold it like that." He snorts. He's actually pretty angry. Once he sat down and thought about it. Hux lied to his face, on multiple occasions. "Kylo, I did not lie to you on purpose"

Hux was probably hearing him project, he shut himself down like the other man often did to him. "You said you didn't want to strengthen our connection. You let me believe this was an accident." 

"It  _was_  an accident, Starkiller may have not really been mine but it was still a low blow."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He gives Hux a cold death stare.

"Snoke sent me to look after you."

"So you're a glorified baby sitter." 

"Ren."

"Hux."

"You never noticed because  _I_  never  _let_  you." 

"Thats why you bated me with this connection." He was ready to destroy again.

"Yes, well, it was fun playing the General. But its time for me to play a different part. Not just play but inhabit. Remember? You wanted to help me."

Hux's fingers slide across his cheeks to cup either side of his face. All his anger left him, he covered Hux's small cold hands with his own large warm ones. Looking into those bright brilliant eyes. 

Hux leaned up and kissed him softly. Kylo couldn't help pressing back and pulling him closer. Hux's arms wrapped around his neck, for leverage he moved his large hands to the others hips. "Mm, Love you." Hux mumbled against his lips and he felt rising warmth in his chest.

"And I love you, Brendol Hux." 

"Its time for the second part of my plan." Kylo loosened his grip and Hux slid away. "With you dead and Nels on his way to death."

"Hux, I was not there with you. What happened?" Images and sounds flood his mind. Nels wide eyed fear as he ran from the room. "I see."

"Snoke will want to overlook the first order himself now that he thinks he only has one knight." 

"Once he is here we'll give him a surprise?"

"Exactly." The ginger grins. 

"You always did have the fastest, most brilliant mind aboard." He's surprised by himself with how much lust makes its way into the compliment. 

"Oh, into smart guys are you, Ren?"

"When it comes to you, it would seem so." 

"Not a good idea, you have internal injuries. I need you to stay here, if you leave this room Snoke will know. I'll treat you myself and hand select droids to take care of you." 

"Thank you."

"No one can know you are alive and well. I'm sorry to trap you in like this." 

Kylo lets his visions of Hux as an emperor transfer to the other man. "I want to help, anyway I can." 

"And you will, Kylo." Hux touches his cheek and he leans in again.

Theres a knock at the door and both look like a deer caught in the headlights. "Go, hide."

Kylo nods and shuffles back to the shadows. He can feel it now. He's got internal injuries and he can feel everything inside of him moving around. He's defiantly bleeding inside. 

Hux opens the door. "Sir" A solider salutes him, a confused look crosses his face. 

"Ignore the outfit, solider." 

"Yes, sir. Nels has taken the ship we prepared for him and set a different course."

"What." Hux sounds angry and Ren finds his own anger rising. "Where is he going?"

"We have no idea. B-but we are trying to trace him."

"Dismissed." Hux shuts the door.

"Brendol." Kylo steps from the shadows.

"Unfortunately I must report this to Snoke." Huh sighs, "First let me take care of you."

"I don't need to be taken care of."

"Ren stop being childish, we both know you have internal injuries, and outward injuries. I'd rather you not have scares from those cuts." _They'd mare his beautiful face._

"You think I'm beautiful?" He can't help but smirk. 

"Sit down will you?" Hux's voice was stern but his expression had no real threat to it. There was a small smile on the gingers face. 

Kylo sat down on the edge of his bed. Hux dug around in the cupboards and pulled out medical supplies. Kylo Ren could appreciate being taken care of as much as the next guy. Hux's hands are soft and gentle as he works. 

"I'll have to keep  playing the part of the General, until Snoke arrives." 

"Yes, sir." He lets the sir roll off his tongue. Hux visibly shivers. 

"Stop." Huh gives him a stern look. "I'm going to report Nels disappearance. I'm going to let a droid in. Don't" Hux grabs his jaw, "destroy the droid, let it do its job." The other man lets go of his chin. 

Kylo Ren smiles, "I won't"

"Good, stay here, I will return soon." Hux turns and leaves the room. 

He takes a deep breath as he's left alone, now he feels tired. He knows he shouldn't fall asleep, though, with internal injury he could make them worse or not wake up again.

A droid wrecked itself in with a beep. Kylo laid down and the droid gave him a shot. He didn't wince at the sharp pain. He was already feeling tired, and slowly drifted off as the medicine took hold. 

***

Kylo Ren woke up to the sound of the door opening. His hand shot out and the force surged around the persons neck. He could hear the persons gasp for air.  _Kylo_ , he heard Hux's voice in his mind. 

"I thought you were someone else." He lets go immediately. 

Hux sputters and walks forward. "Sharp reflexes, Lord Ren." 

"Hux, I didn't mean to, I wouldn't intentionally hurt you."

"I know, I reported to Snoke. He's unhappy, but he wants to come to us as soon as possible. When he shows up we'll take him over." Kylo nodded, "the droid fixed everything?"

"Yes."

"Good, because I have been waiting to get my hands on you." The words sounded like they should have been a threat but Kylo could hear something else. 

Hux pulled off his robes to reveal a black tank top. Hux was skinny, his shoulders not as broad. The ginger slide his slim thighs around Kylo's hips. He looked up at the man perched onto of him and lightly touched the other man's thighs. Sliding his hands up. 

_Beautiful._

_I'm still listening._

_I know_ , Hux leaned in and kissed him. He let his hands travel over the thin hips and slim sides of the ginger. Hux pulled away and lightly ran his hands over Kylo's chest.

"Your Highness." He said softly, Hux looked down at him, desire evident in his eyes. 

"You are going to be the end of me." The ginger says softly and kisses him again. Kylo gets the idea of what the ginger wants as the slender hips rock down into him.

 It all starts out desperate and rushed but Kylo finds himself feeling closer to the man below him than he ever thought he would be. Each thrust has Hux's hands wandering over his back and soft ah's escaping his lips. 

Kylo has the sudden urge to make a real connection. He took his hand from the bed and gripped one of the man's hips, the other hand he took and gently nudged his fingers into Hux's closed palm. The closed palm became an open one and their fingers slide together. Hux's breath hitched and his bright eyes looked up to Kylo's dark ones. He closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together. They stayed like that for the rest of their copulation, occasionally they shared soft kisses. 

Hux got up to clean them up when it was all over. "I won't sleep in the same bed as anyone who is sticky." The tone was slightly reprimanding but a lot more endearing than anything.

"Fair enough, and I do want to sleep in the same bed." 

"Good" Hux whipped himself up and then threw the used towel at Kylo's face, he caught it with a frown. Hux laughed, he'd never heard the man laugh. He couldn't help but smile along. It was sweet and less abrasive than his chuckle. 

"Why thank you." Hux sat down, and he tossed  the towel aside.

"You're welcome"

Hux returned to under the covers and kissed him sweetly, then flopped down. Ren pulled Hux's back to his front with an arm. He pressed his large nose to the skin on the back of the gingers neck. 

"Kylo, I want you by my side when I'm emperor."

"I already promised to help."

"No, I mean all the time, right next to me."

"Are you saying you trust me, Brendol Hux." 

"Shut up."the ginger snaps and elbows him in the side. "Yes, I do mean I trust you." Hux's tone softens. 

Kylo kisses the mans neck. "I will never leave you're side." 

"What have I just agreed to." Hux sighs.

"To be with me  _all_  the time." 

"I must be an idiot." 

Kylo lets a rumbling chuckle boil out of him. "No take backs." Hux hums in his arms.

"Good night, your highness."

"Good night, Kylo." Hux coos back. 

 


	6. Emperor Hux

Kylo spends a lot of time with Hux after that, lots of time in the same bed. Hux sketches next to him and he watches as he doozes off. He catches the other man drawing him on a few occasions. The peace doesn't last for long, though.

Hux storms into his room and stops with his arms folded behind him. "Snoke has arrived."

"I see." Kylo nods. 

"Be on the bridge in twenty minutes. Be discrete, show no sign."

"Yes, my lord." He bows his head and Hux smiles before he leaves. 

Kylo sits down and takes a deep breath. He has twenty minuets to meditate and gather as much power as he can muster. He sits with his legs crossed and tries to imagine Snoke taking Hux from him. He can feel the force surge around him and he let's the anger over take him. 

He puts his hood on to cover his face and grabs his lightsaber. Anyone who recognizes him he erases their memory and keeps moving. He can hear Hux speaking and Snoke making small comments. He enters the room and keeps to the dark shadows. The conversation they were having stops. 

"Hux?" Snoke turns to the ginger. 

"Supreme Leader." Hux has an edge to his voice. 

"Another presence-"

"Yes, Kylo you can come out." Hux nods in his direction.

Kylo Ren moves like a well trained animal, eyes fixed on Snoke. The force master's rat eyes widen slightly. 

Hux grabs his chin lightly, "what a good pet he is, isn't he?" Snoke stares in silence, "I think you're done being anyone's pet, aren't you?" Ren keeps his eyes focused on the shriveled man across from them but turns his head to the ginger. 

"How did-" Snoke starts.

"Oh I kept him hidden from you. My little secret~" Hux is having a power trip like no other and Kylo can feel it in the way he speaks.

"Hux, what is the meaning of this?!"

"We both agreed it might be time to rule the First Order ourselves." Hux smiles. "Isn't that right?"

The ginger looks up at him, and pulls him forward. Hux kisses him briefly, and he let's his eyes leave for only a second before they are back as they part.

"I see you have been corrupted by lord Hux's ways."

"No." He says firmly "you were going to have me killed.  _You_  corrupted  _me_."

Snoke snarls "Then prepare to loose everything!" The leader actually ignites his saber. Kylo and Hux both draw and ignite their sabers in one fluid synced motion. He feels connected to Hux's mind. Knows what Hux is going to do at any given moment. He knows the ginger is on the same page as him just from thier connection. They stand back to back and raise both lightsabers. 

They move at the same time. Snoke is much faster than either of them expected. Each of them spinning around, stricking together. 

"Enough!"Snoke force pushes Kylo away, he digs the toes of his boots into the ground and tries to resist. 

Ren can see it in slow motion as it happens, Hux is distracted by Snoke pushing him away and instead watches Kylo struggle, "Hux!" His voice is desperate as he calls out. Snoke's blade strikes the ginger in the side and Hux calls out in pain. "HUX!" He can feel Hux's shock and pain as his oqn through their link. Over come with pain he is able to push Snoke hard with the force. The master hits the back wall with a sickening crack. He takes sure quick steps to the ginger who lays crumpled on the floor. 

"Kylo," Hux says softly, "I'm fine, but I think I'm down. You'll have to defeat him."

"You're hurt."

Hux touches his cheek with gentle cold finger tips, he's shaking slightly. "As a dream once told me 'let this loss fuel you.'"

"Promise me you will not let go, Your highness."

"I promise."

"As you wish, my lord." Kylo stands and takes his viper like steps to Snoke. 

"Now that your connection to the light lies on the floor dying, return to me. Let me be your-"

Kylo spins his lightsaber once, and spends no time listening to the rest of the drivel, he charges. Each clash of the lightsabers is harsh and he can feel Snoke's waning hold on any power he holds over Kylo. He lashes a foot out and it connects to Snoke's chest. The master is sent to the ground. "Just as Nels used against me, taught to him by my very own Master." He walks to Snoke, "My master once said I should gain strength through pain." He spits the words as he plants a foot on Snoke's chest. "But I do not bow to him anymore."

The beady eyes go wide with fear. Kylo raises his lightsaber, spins it above his head once and brings it down into the thing below him. The room vibrates and blurs together. The lights above burst one by one. Ren's head feels like it's being compressed down. It feels like the force is breaking around them. 

Then it's gone. The room is deathly still. Kylo Ren turns his blade off and runs to Hux's side, no longer able to conceal his concern. "He's gone." He says as he lifts the man into his arms. "I stand loyal to the First Order's new emperor. Brendol Hux the second. Let's get you to the medical bay."

"Thank you, Ren. You did it."

"All for you, your highness." He walks calmly away from the bridge. 

"Ren" Hux's voice sounds weak.

"Hold on, Brendol. Please, hold on. We'll get you fixed."

"Lord Ren" The voice is softer but it has a mocking tone to it. Kylo carries him all the way to the medical bay. Droids come to assist him as he lays the emperor down onto a cot. He holds onto Hux's hand as the droids work on him.

Any droid that says he needs to let go he growls at and the droid yelps and keeps working. Hux squeezes his hand hard whenever the pain hurts enough. He stays silent like a loyal dog. Sitting and observing as the droids put Hux back together. 

"I want" Hux winces "preparations for my anouncement made."

"I'm sorry, not going to happen." 

"Excuse me?" 

"You need rest. You can be an emperor tomorrow." 

Hux grunts and squeezes his hand. He brings it to his lips and kisses it. Once the droids are done Kylo arranges to have Hux kept in his quarters "for safety." 

Kylo holds onto him all night. Hux is sleeping soundly for once in weeks. Hux gets better sleep than Kylo. He didn't really sleep at all anymore. He guessed this was going to be his life from here on out. 

Hux's fingers glide over his cheek, he turns his eyes to the ginger. "Hey" His voice is sleepy, "Go to sleep" The ginger sounds relaxed and floaty.

"I'm making sure you're safe." 

"Nonsense" Hux huffs, "Get some rest, tomorrow is a big day."

"I'm not going to."

"Shut up." Hux taps his cheek and he knows Hux means it as a smack. "Stop being fussy, hold me and go to bed, thats an order."

"Yes, your highness." Kylo can't help but smile as he carries out his orders.

 


	7. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is my birthday so I sat down and wrote a chapter! 
> 
> Parttimedragon on tumblr is my cannon emperor Hux. So thats who I'm describing in this but you are welcome to interpret it. The knight outfit that Kylo wears is also theirs.

Kylo Ren has the perfect view of Hux. The man is standing on the bridge, he looks larger than life, though. "Yes, it is true." Hux is sneering at the other men on the bridge. "Snoke is dead, and I am the new emperor." He stands expectantly looking at the men who look at each other. "I'll let that sink in with you men." Hux grins, "Kylo!" The ginger barks and he moves to the man's side. "Come with me." 

He trails behind like a dark beast, just behind the gingers footsteps.

_You look proud_

_I am_

"I have something for you." Hux smiles, "In my chambers."

"I will follow, My lord." Kylo nods, Hux walks in silence in front of him and Kylo follows. The man opens up the door to his room and offers Ren to step inside first. 

Kylo enters and hands, small and cold, push at his back. He smiles slightly as he's steered to the bed. Theres black robes splayed out on the sheets. It has a long cape and shoulder pads that mimic Phasma's. It resembles his current robes but has red splashed along it in certain areas and gold lining the seams and outlines. 

"For my knight." Hux sounds as though he is smiling. They are so new compared to his tattered clothing he wears now. He can only stare down at them. "I had them fashioned for you."

"I assume you have your own clothing." Kylo picks up the articles, they are soft to the touch, especially on the inside.

"Of course, yours match mine." Kylo grins to himself. "Everyone will know we rule together." Hux's fingers trail up his sides and he shivers. Warm thin lips press to his neck. "Together." This time the words are heavier and Hux grabs his hips and pulls him back. Its an aggressive movement and Ren's breath hitches as his back side becomes flush with Hux's front. The ginger pushes his hips foreword, the new Emperor is evidently aroused.

"It doesn't take much, does it, Hux?" Kylo sounds breathless even to his own ears.

"Shut up and move the clothes so you can get on the bed."

Ren grins as he sets the clothing aside

***

Kylo straps the front of his cape to his left shoulder pad, his knight outfit looks deadly. He knows it makes him look more deadly. The larger belt and more flowing robes, the gold and red all add to the effect. 

"You look hot, to say the least." His eyes widen and he turns around. Hux smirks at him. 

If he looks good then Hux looks ten times better. The large jacket dropped over his shoulders has a gold folded up collar, red stripes are splashed onto the forearms and gold loops of fabric cover the arms. His actual outfit has red folds that are peeled back around his neck. He wears a shiny new silver belt and golden loops drape over his left hip. His wrists bound in golden folded fabric. The rest is black as night. 

"My emperor" Ren says, bowing over his arm. Hux grins at this, "You have changed into many outfits over the course of knowing you." he rises and takes Hux's hand, "but this," He kisses the mans knuckles "Is by far the best and most elegant." 

"I brought you this." Hux smiles and holds out a helmet. "I know you lost yours, and you look more like a knight with this on."Kylo takes the mask. Its not Hux's hold one like he expects but his own old one. No dents or scratches, clean of all scuffs. "I had it recreated."

Kylo puts the helmet on and smiles as it seals, "Thank you, Hux." His voice comes out distorted in the mask. 

"You are welcome, tomorrow we arrive on Snoke's old planet. The entirety of the First Order will be there to welcome us."

"You're so willing to share, Emperor."

"Without you I would have died, I'm not trying to be romantic, thats just a fact, Ren." Hux inclines his head upwards to look into the eye slots of his mask. 

"If you say so." He grins and walks past Hux, "I will make preparations." 

"Theres no need, Ren. Everything is ready."

He spins around, his mask close to the gingers face. This moment reminds him of so many silent fights where they glared at each other. Hux looking up into his mask with a scowl. This moment feels different, though. "What would you have me do, your highness."

"Would you do anything for your emperor?" 

"Anything," He tilts his head slightly.

"Get me out of these clothes."

"Oh, is this what we are going to do now?"

"I like the feeling it gives me." Hux smirks

"Its a bit sappy, don't you think?"

"You live to make my life hard don't you?" Hux's fingers curl under his helmet and the release hisses. Hux drops the helmet and lightly touches his cheeks, "I hate you." The ginger smiles and kisses him.

He knows what Hux means by hate, the word comes out to kind to be real hatred.

***

Kylo Ren feels threatened by the sheer mass of people here. He's standing next to Hux, overlooking the crowd form an advantage point. He's instructed all orders to come to him. He wants Hux focused on his speech. 

This is why a small man walks to him, General's clothing dawned "Lord Ren."

"Speak quietly." He leans in, turning his masked head to the man.

"There have been reports of resistance members here." The General whispers to him.

"How many?"

"At the very least two."

"Dismissed." He straightens back up and turns his covered face silently towards Hux. The man gives him a searching look back but seems to understand. Ren returns his gaze to the large audience. He searches the crowd but there are no signs of resistance. 

"I welcome the ranks of the First Oder." Hux begins. "As you may have heard, Snoke is dead. He was unfit to lead our regimes. Unfit to order us to do his biding!" 

The man is already getting worked up. He searches the crowd again. Still nothing.

"As you all may have guessed, we need a new leader. I have climbed the ranks and ascended to Emperor. No longer will we wait for tedious misgivings, we will strike with hard force. The resistance will be silenced!" Hux raises a first at a 90 degree angle and snaps to attention, the crowd follows him in unison. The crowd stomps and raises their firsts, pumping them into the air.

"Long live the Emperor!" The crowd shouts together.

Except two members who are oozing with confusion. Kylo raises an eyebrow and focuses on them. One has light sandy blonde hair and the other has dark hair. 

Kylo, Nels voice echoes in his head.

"Nels." He says aloud. Panic settles in as the figures both draw blasters. He can only stop one blast. Ren rushes to span is body out in front of Hux's as they fire. He raises both arms and spreads them enough to cover the ginger. He flicks one wrist and a blast stops mid air. The other strikes his shoulder and he grunts. "Duck" He grunts again and spins to face the ginger, he scoops the man up and the blast goes over their heads. He sets the man on his feet.

"Ren!" Hux calls out. The figures are already running through the cowd, he doesn't have time to have Hux worry.

Ren ignites his saber and jumps down into the crowd, softening his landing with the force. They are fleeing into oblivion faster with every ebbing second. He stocks through the crowd after them. He tries to stop them with the force but he's blocked by both.

"A Jedi." He growls, the blonde haired boy is not the scavenger girl. How many Jedi's does Skywalker have now? 

"Cordell!" Nels runs to a ship and the blonde boy runs to catch up.

"Stop them!" He roars at the troupers around him. They begin to fire. Both block the shots with their lightsabers. Nels grabs Cordell's hand and sweeps the man up into the ship. That damn pilot is driving it.

"Ren!" Hux shouts, lightsaber ablaze as well. "You're hurt, and they are already leaving." Kylo had already forgotten about his injury, blood was already leaking though his new uniform."Come, Ren." Hux puts his saber away, "we must get you fixed." 

He doesn't argue at all as Hux gently guides him back to the building. 

***

Kylo can't help feeling like an idiot. He should have known Nels would defect to the resistance.

"Don't take it so hard." Hux's voice is soft next to him, their hands intertwined. "You saved my life, Kylo."

"Anything for my Emperor."

"Nels seems to be with the resistance now."

"Yes," Kylo nods. "Theres only one conclusion I can come to about Nels, in order for him and that ship to be ready, the resistance must have a base near by."

"Kylo, don't" Hux glares at him, "You will not leave this planet."

"My mother-"

"Snoke doesn't command you anymore," Hux raises his voice, "You know killing her will only hurt, Ren."

"I could collect vital information-""

"No!" Hux stands, "You are injured, you could get hurt more, promise me you'll stay here."

Kylo looks up onto the cold blue eyes of Hux, they are filled with concern. "I promise." He sighs, "I'll stay here."

"Good," Hux nods, "I will check on you in a matter of time." The man marches out. Kylo is left in an empty medical room. 

 

 


	8. Mother

Kylo Ren ripped each needle of IV out and got up. There was a slight stinging in his arms from where he had ripped the needles out but he assumed that it would subside. His shoulder still hurt but it would heal. He waisted no time in sticking around and left the medical room. Hux would be pissed. Yet, this was calling to him like nothing ever had. This was a vital moment. He shoved his head into the helmet and walked onto the flight bay. 

"Lord Ren." A solider saluted him with a straight back and raised fist.

"Prepare my ship." He flicked a hand to the solider and moved to the large black vehicle with sleek wings pointed up in a triangle. 

"Yes, sir." the man rushed off.

Hux was going to be absolutely livid. He climbed aboard his ship and primed it to take off. The wings folding down as he took off. He left just as silently as he'd left the medical bay. His ship was built to be silent, he'd requested it that way. 

He could hear Hux's angry thoughts as he flew further away.  _You are in so much trouble when you get back._

***

It wasn't too hard to figure out where he was supposed to go to find her. His mother was practically screaming for him. She was choosing to see him. What a mistake. Her along with the Jedi- Cordell, Nels, Poe, and Rey where all on the planet.

Ren made sure his landing was undiscovered, yet she called out like she was next to him. She knew.

_Ben_

He winced at the name, and the desperation in her call. He trudged through thick forest for what felt like hours. The trees blocked out the sun, masking the land in dark shadows. The air was humid and his clothing where sticking to his body. He felt damp, yet he was parched beyond anything he had ever felt. He only stopped when the bushes moved in front of him. 

Ren wielded his weapon immediately. She stepped out. She was much older than he remember her. Hair grey and face marked in wrinkles that outlined her features. 

"Ben Solo?" She said quietly.

"General Organa." His voice distorted, "I am not Ben Solo, My name is Kylo Ren. You would do well to remember it. I am not your son."She gave him a mournful look. He could tell she wanted him to take his mask off. Wanted to see the face of her son. Just as Han Solo had. 

He felt compelled to in the end. He turned his weapon off and hitched it to his side. He touched the release on his helmet. He held it against his side.

"Your face." She covered her mouth with one hand.

"The scavenger girl-"

"Not the scar. You look so much like your father." He saw her sorrow, written plainly across her older features. 

"I am not his son either." He glared at her. He should really just kill her. It would be easy, no one would find her in the lush forest. 

"You have changed so much. You are so tall." She was ignoring his earlier comment. She looked close to tears. "I am so happy to see you." 

Memories flooded his brain. For the amount of time she was around he had always felt safe with her. He loved his mother. No- Ben loved his mother. He felt a jolt, the light side calling out to him. "I'm sorry." It slipped out of his mouth and hung heavy in the air between them.

She opened her arms to him and an unknown force drove him to her. She folded her arms around him and he learned down to her shoulder. "Come home." She whispered sadly to him.

Ren pulled away from her, "No." He shook his head slightly but his answer to her offer was defiant. 

"What's stoping you? Snoke is gone."

"Hux" He back away further from her. 

"Now he's controlling you?"

"No!" He snaps at her "He's waiting for me."

"He's using you." She looks at him sadly.

"No!" He roared, his low voice echoing off the trees. "We are equal."

"Can you be sure?" She looks worried.

"Yes!" Rising panic makes his heart beat faster, the seeds of doubt already planted. 

"Ben, come home."

"I'm not Ben," He snarls at her, "I am Kylo Ren. I will never be your son again. No amount of manipulation will drive me to you." He doesn't have the strength to kill her. Instead he runs. Ditching her in the woods he flees to his ship. Any call she makes to him through the force he shuts down immediately.

Once in the ship he collapses to the metal floor. He's having an anxiety attack. Hadn't they said they loved each other? When was that, who had said it? Was he the one to say it first? Was this all a political play? It would look strong for the First Order. Hux had always been a strategizer.

Kylo felt foolish as the thoughts ran through him. Shaking and panicking on the floor of his ship. Worrying if someone loved him or not. He put his helmet back on. He was a knight, and he'd left his Emperor to fend for himself. How careless. He took deep breaths and sat back into the captains seat. He had an image to keep up and a job he should be doing.

***

Kylo can feel Hux's anger get closer and closer as he steps into the flight bay.  _So much trouble._

He can't avoid the reprimand he will receive, so he makes his way straight to Hux. He enters the room silently. Hux has his arms behind his back. The man is digging his nails into one of his gloved fists. Kylo knows this as a warning that Hux is pissed. Only barely containing his rage by inflicting pain in sharp crescents on his hands. 

"Mask off." Hux commands. He drops the helmet onto a counter. "At least you're following orders now."

"Hux-" Kylo begins.

"No, shut up." The ginger spins around. His eyes look like he's furious yet relieved to see the dark haired man. "You went behind my back and lied to me. And for what? You didn't bring back any valuable information, did you?" Hux's ice cold eyes glare daggers at him. Hux crosses the room quickly.

Kylo Ren kneels and bows his head, "I have failed you." 

"Damn right you have. Get up!" Hux barks and he stands. "I was absolutely worried sick about you." The ginger puts a fist into his stomach. It doesn't hurt but he does stumble back. "Do you ever think about anyone else but yourself!?" Another punch and he stumbles again, his back hits the wall. "You petulant child!" 

He's never seen the man let go this much. This seems like lots of pent up aggression. Hux grabs the front of his uniform and Kylo prepares for a real fight. "I missed you! Never do that again!" Hux kisses him and hugs him, Kylo can feel he's shaking. 

"You did?" He sounds shocked and he is. After his panic attack he did not expect the welcome he had received. 

"Yes, you giant brute! I love you, damn it!" Hux glares at him, "I gave you everything, can you at least acknowledge that!?"

"She planted doubts in my mind. I'm sorry." He speaks slowly and holds the man close.

"Do not fall prey to her manipulations, Kylo." Hux's voice is soothing, quiet now and affectionate as he clings to Ren. "Trust me and my word, not hers."

"I promise I am loyal to you."

"Good."

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Nels is my trash punk bitch son. Check this story out on watt pad to see a better more descriptive version of him. Same title. 
> 
> This is based on a bunch of works by parttimedragon on tumblr. Please go look at their stuff, it's really good.


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